Holistic Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera: Interview on the Power of Holistic Healing for Mental and Emotional Wellness
“And ultimately, when we enter, you know, whatever experiences with an expectation, we really set ourselves selves up more often than not to have that disappointment to have things not happen as we think they should or want them to happen.”
Dr. Nicole LePera
This is the transcript of my interview with psychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera. This interview was conducted around 2018 or 2019 and little did I know at that time that I would end up completely switching my profession from working in the fitness industry to becoming a clinical mental health counselor.
However, at the time of recording this interview, I did know that Dr. LePera was soon going to become very well-known and help people on an even larger scale than what she was doing at that time….And she certainly is!!!
Ryan : Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are making it a great day. I am Ryan, the life changer and you are about to have your life changed. Whether you’re having a bad day, a good day, or maybe you’re just starting your day, my passion is to have a positive impact in your life. This podcast is called unlock the power of your mind. It is designed to help you harness your inner greatness and inspire you to be the best version of you possible. Thanks for tuning in. And I hope this helps to change your life. All right, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so very much for joining me for another episode of unlock the power of your mind today I have with me Dr. Nicole LePera. She trained in psychology at Cornell University, and the New School for Social Research in New York City. She practices as a holistic psychologist, and is the founder of the Mindful Healing Center in Philadelphia, where she has recently brought her work online to spread the message of holistic mental wellness. Dr. Nicole LePera, how are you this morning?
Dr. Nicole LePera : I’m good. I’m good. Ryan, thank you so much for having me.
Ryan : Thank you very much for your time. So share with the listeners a little bit about who you are as a human being.
Dr. Nicole LePera : Yeah, absolutely. So I think as a as a human being, words to describe myself that come to mind, or at least I hope that describe myself is I’m very understanding empathetic, I love people, I love getting to know people. I’m a trained clinical psychologist, so probably not surprising to hear that I love the mind. I’m fascinated by kind of what makes us tick, what makes us think and do and act in all of the ways. And like I said, I try to be, you know, take everyone’s perspective and understand the world to the best I can through another’s eyes. So I think that that sums me up as a as a human that I am
Ryan : Awesome, awesome. So share with the listeners. So they can get a little bit more connected to who you are kind of a little bit about your early childhood, maybe an event that that shaped you and how you got into this field of mental health and wellness.
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely. So I actually am the youngest of three children. And I was born to an older mother who was 42 at the time, and my dad was 45. So my siblings are 18 and 15 years older than me. So I kind of have had a unique experience growing up in the in the home environment in that way. I also have and I think this is probably the answer the second part of the question, one of the influences that kind of directed me into my professional career, I had a pretty anxious mother, I had some chronic illness in my family, with my mother with my older sister. So I think, you know, kind of seeing all of that I developed my own anxiety for pretty much as long as I as I can remember and struggled with it. So I think, you know, kind of seeing the struggles that people go through myself included, I think that probably had a big role in my decision to be a psychologist. And I’m actually one of those people who always kind of knew what I was going to be I don’t know, the way I think about it. Now it probably came from that intuitive place that we all have. It was always psychology for me always going to be a psychologist. So like I said, I think, you know, maybe my early experience, you know, with my own anxiety probably had a hand in shaping, shaping that
Ryan : I found that a lot of individuals that work in the health and wellness fields, particularly in the mental health and wellness field typically had somebody very close to them, or they themselves may have had certain issues that they had struggled with, and then were able to kind of overcome or help their family members to overcome or to deal with it. And it gave them a very unique, empathetic point of view, in order to be able to truly, truly help other people because certainly it’s not easy what you do, it takes a very special kind of person to be able to, you know, really take on those emotions of the people that you work with. So I respect you very much for that.
Dr. Nicole LePera : I appreciate you saying that. And I agree. I think you know, whenever we can relate I think that sets us up to be able to understand and empathize and maybe have that little extra you know, piece of, of availability in terms of in terms of healing.
Ryan : And so you graduated from Cornell University, share with the listeners a little bit about, you know, maybe one professor or one class from there, where you said, Wow, that what I learned here in this time at Cornell University was something that has really stuck with you even to this day, maybe it was a professor or class?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely, I’m actually going to take this a different direction. And I think it’s interesting that this is where my mind went, I think this sums up maybe all of my, my clinical training. So I did enter Cornell, with a declared major again, I’m one of those weirdos with a psychology major. So I pretty much took all of the psychology courses. And to be honest, what sticks out for me is not a professor, not a course, but actually an experience that I sought out. I had happen to find out that the in Ithaca, which is where Cornell is located, they have a pretty high suicide rate. And there was actually a suicide hotline that was in need of volunteers, essentially. So I ended up volunteering and getting trained and actually went on and did volunteer work on a suicide hotline. So I think that’s the most memorable piece of it. For me being able to actually start doing some direct service talking to individuals in crisis, I think that was really a influential experience.
Ryan : Wow, that is incredible. So what inside of you, I mean, there’s, there’s a lot of different things that you can do and working or volunteering while you’re in college. Right? Maybe it’s helping out at the toy drive in the holidays, maybe it’s, you know, working at the at the gym as the gym monitor, or whatever the case may be. You chose to really dive into something that was high stress, high pressure, what made you feel like, you know, what, I’m gonna dive right into this? Because certainly, that couldn’t have been easy for
Dr. Nicole LePera : You. Right? Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, I think what it honestly was, is I was just so excited to get to start doing the work to start, you know, working with people talking to people understanding people. And so the way I know things are changing. Now, although at that level, I did not even yet have my Bachelor’s, but there was a lot of there’s a lot of string and red tape for licensure reasons about, you know, at what point in your training, you can start providing any sort of direct clinical service. So I say all that to say that hearing, you know, and again, I think it was probably need based. And because it was a volunteer based organization, that was really one of the few opportunities, if not the sole opportunity that I would have had at that time, to really start to provide the service to do the work to do the clinical work. And like I said, I was just so interested and anxious and knowing that that’s what I wanted to do that I just wanted to get out there. However it was and do that. And it was a really great organization, they gave me just to the point of the high stress level of it. I mean, they really did give some really great, amazing training, not to say that obviously, it was anxiety provoking, I would be in the room on the calls for I think it was about, you know, six hour stints at a time by myself. But we had a lot of support available to us if, you know, we ourselves needed something after a call. But I just think it was one of retrospectively as I then evolved. In my clinical work, obviously, I got much more heavy into it at my masters level at my PhD level. And I think something that that really geared me up to do and I’m happy I did take that on so early, is that suicide is a very, it’s a very difficult topic. And a lot of clinicians and I cannot speak for everyone, but I think it’s very loaded. And it’s scary. And you know, I think a lot of clinicians are, you know, kind of tiptoe around talking about it. And, you know, asking the questions that like I said, I had to develop because I was baptism by fire, right? I had to develop, you know, a comfort, I had to work through my discomfort to get to a place where I could comfortably talk about it with any way that it was whether it was active, suicidal thoughts, things in the past that happened. And like I said, doing so I think such an early point in my career in a sense, desensitize me to doing it. So that now I mean, I actually do trainings on this, I’ve been asked on multiple occasions, you know, coming through different organizations to do trainings on suicide assessment and things like that, because I do think it is a competency that we have to be able to talk about, but like I said, because it’s so loaded, I think a lot of clinicians struggle, so be having to, I think, you know, work through the discomfort and the fear of my own self back when I was what 19 years old, I think really geared me up to be able to have these more difficult conversations now pretty easily.
Ryan : As I read through your content, and for the listeners, you know, when we share [Inaudible] Paris contact information and I want to really encourage you to go visit her website and her Instagram page because she puts out so much tremendous content, but as I dive into your content, and we’re going to get into it here The listeners, there is such a deep, deep, unique perspective of the way that you break down and explain mindset. And I have to ask, Was there times where, you know, after that six hour shift, maybe it was a very, very difficult or trying or stressful shift for you, where you would go back to your dorm room and just kind of sit and reflect on these phone calls and almost kind of like, think, man, what brought the person to that point? What was going on in their in their mindset? And what kind of led them to getting to the point where they feel that they needed to end their life? And then almost, how could I have helped that person to not get to that point? Did you ever have nights like that when you went back to your room?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely. And I think actually, I’m gonna globalize that I think I’ve lived a lot of my life, exploring others and mindsets, you know, whether it was the friends, the partners, obviously, these more intensive experiences on the suicide line. But again, like I was saying, I think I had just this chip in me, and how much of it was influenced by my own developmental history, but I was always thinking in those terms, right, whether it was again, my feelings were hurt from a friendship or, you know, I was having conflict in my relationship, or, you know, obviously, hearing these people that are pushed to this more extreme, emotional place where they would consider ending their lives, I think I would always kind of explore and wonder to myself, and, you know, try to piece together the puzzle, not only from, you know, kind of the external variables that I think we all struggle with, you know, the outside stuff that, you know, stresses us out, or pushes us to feel in whatever way it is, we’re feeling, but also the mindset pieces, what are the things that you know, kind of are internally, maybe more unique to ourselves, or how is our own internal monologues, dialogues, etc. influencing us, so I think I always kind of, I view most of most of my social world, my social interactions, my social relationships, you know, really considering those things. And obviously, as I grew and, you know, continued to evolve as a being, you know, exploring my own my own mindsets, and how they, you know, contribute to my way of being, and obviously, the work that, you know, I can evolve into in my more recent clinical practices, starting to shift and utilize mindsets for change.
Ryan : Well, you can certainly tell that you have a gift for it. And that’s why I was so excited to bring you on to unlock the power of your mind. So let’s dive into it. Let’s talk about being taken advantage of versus expectations. So many times in life, I know it’s something that I’ve struggled with, where we want to give, give, give because we love helping others. But sometimes we feel let down. And maybe that’s because we have a certain expectation of what we were expecting to receive. Maybe that’s just part of human nature. Can you explain and share with the listeners a little bit about how they can give more freely?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely, yeah. So I think that expectations are that sneaky thing, and they factor in whether or not it’s giving in relationships, or, you know, sometimes we even hold expectations about what tomorrow or an event will look like. And they become problematic, because what tends to happen is we have this view of what we want to happen again, whether or not it’s in risk, you know, from another person or just from life, you know, in an event or an experience. And ultimately, when we enter, you know, whatever experiences with an expectation, we really set ourselves selves up more often than not to have that disappointment to have things not happen as we think they should or want them to happen. And then I think that becomes dangerous, because then we insert this level of disappointment into our experience, especially when it’s an experience with another person into a relationship. So, you know, kind of, I always and I urge, you know, people, clients that I work with, you know, to really investigate what their intention is, whether or not it’s a communication they want to make, or a behavior they want to offer or you know, anything they want to essentially do or say, in a relationship, I think it’s really important to take a step back and really evaluate you know, the why are we doing and saying this and I think the distinction is if our Y is kind of me based or us you know, kind of ego based, like okay, so I want to because I feel it’s important for me to you know, voice my opinion on this or I want to because I want the person to have this item that I thought of for them, I think then that yours is up to not go down that expectation path and then therefore disappointment. But I think if the response when we do that exploration within ourselves is you know, I want to say this because I want to hear this thing back or I want to say this so that tomorrow they do this thing or I want to give this gift so that I get a gift back versus they know I’m a nice, whatever it might be, if it’s more, you know, kind of waiting in response of, then I think we’re dancers we’re utilizing, or we’re going to be operating with these expectations that, like I said, could be problematic. So I think, you know, why is a really helpful question that we could all step back and ask ourselves before we speak, gesture, whatever it might be?
Ryan : Yeah, absolutely. I know, for myself, and it’s still something that I work on every day. I know, for myself, there was a lot of times where I would say, Well, I’m doing a good thing. I don’t understand why something good isn’t coming back to me, I get it. If I do something bad, I wouldn’t expect something good to come my way. But sometimes I think people struggle with doing a good thing, but not for the right. Why. And therefore, even if the action is right, but like you say, the action is good. But the why is not also coming from the correct place, it’s not always going to give us the response back that we had expected. And then that kind of leads us down a slippery slope. Would you agree?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely. And I think the ultimate slippery slope, again, in the in relationship form of this is, you know, the end of resentment, right? So if I keep doing and not getting back before long, and before I know it, I become angry or resentful toward this other person. But I think if you know, just to be direct and honest about it, I mean, it’s not the other person’s quote, unquote, fault, in a sense, right? It’s the fact that we were, you know, kind of, like you said, operating on this expectation or with this, you know, kind of why that wasn’t fair to the other person.
Ryan : Yeah, absolutely. So let’s dive into the three things that unite all human beings. And I’ll let you take this and run with it, maybe you can kind of break each one down. And I may interrupt you with a question on each one. But let’s start with seen heard love?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Yeah, absolutely. So I think, you know, we are humans, I always kind of describe us, we are very social creatures at heart, or at our at our intrinsic nature, I should say, and there’s a lot of evolutionary reasons for that, the hugest of which is being survival, obviously, back in the tribe days, you know, we needed other people, more or less, you know, to literally physically survive. So I say that to say that the social nature of ourselves as humans, I think really does gear us up to have, you know, really, this that base level of more interpersonal needs, right, being seen as the, the individual that I am being heard, and those kind of go on together in terms of, you know, I would keep those under the umbrella of understanding, you know, again, to be socialized, there is an inherent desire, on some level to be understood. And then, you know, love, I think, you know, you’ll hear people write about love, and all of these different ways, and kind of the universal connector, the connecting connector, the driving force, etc. But I do think that on some very basic level, like I said, because of the social nature of ourselves, down to the fact that, you know, all these great chemicals get released, you know, when we’re connected or love, oxytocin, it bonds us to partners, you know, so that we can have families and procreate. I mean, there’s just so many levels of it. So I kind of always say those three things together, because I think they’re, you know, are really basic interpersonal needs, that I don’t think that there’s a human on this planet that doesn’t express some version of wanting that, and then most, you know, into some extent, interpersonal behaviors being directed, you know, to that function, trying to, on some level attain one of those three things, if not all three.
Ryan : Yeah, I want to stop you there. Let’s dive into that, because you said something that I want the listeners to hear, which is the individual that I am, and that’s so powerful. And as you were talking about, you know, our early tribe and ancestry days, we think about, almost kind of like if you see two, two animals at the park, and they see each other for the first time, you know, they kind of stop, and they and they look at each other and they tilt their head and they, they kind of stare at one another and analyze and it’s like they’re both kind of assessing each other and they want each other to kind of acknowledge each other’s presence. And I think that if we were to translate today when we say individual that I am, I think that one of the biggest things that we struggle with as a society is maybe not truly seen individuals for who they feel they really are. And sometimes as individuals, we’re afraid to express who we really are because of the judgment that they that we may get. So when you say individual that I am That’s so powerful in that people want to be seen, but they want to be seen and love and heard and accepted and given love for the person that they truly are. Would you agree?
Dr. Nicole LePera : I completely agree. I 100% agree. And I think, you know, a lot of times the barriers, the, you know, kind of difficulties, the discomforts, you know, like you said, all of the things that we struggle with in, in allowing ourselves to be who we are authentically in the world. You know, unfortunately, I think that develops, you know, usually for a lot of us, whether it’s at a very early time, or a very pivotal, traumatic place. But, you know, we kind of internalized messages over the course over our experiences. I think that you know, not to complicate things further. But, you know, my view is that on some level, you know, that is more our difficulty being authentic in the world, while it might have come from something outside of ourselves, a message that we internalize, what happened over time is that we, to some extent, believe that message to such a degree, that we ourselves, do no longer accept our own self as who we are, because I’m the hugest believer in most of the things that we projected the world or see or struggle with in life, is really a reflection of our own internal struggles. But I say all that to say that ultimately, you know, a lot of us do struggle to exist authentically in the world, you know, again, based on some, some experiences some messages that we’ve internalized, but I think the empowering part of the way I view it, you know, is that that then locates the work back and into ourselves, right? So if we can get ourselves comfortable with who we are authentically, and heal that part of us, then we can that translates to then us being able to be more authentically present in the world, if that makes sense.
Ryan : Love it. Love it. Absolutely. Let’s talk about subconscious programming. What is that?
Dr. Nicole LePera : So subconscious programming. In other words, I am always kind of saying and throwing out what I’m talking about this essentially is, you know, story’s narrative. So to kind of quickly explain it, we have, again, because we have so much stimulation in this world as humans, and because our brains are so powerful, we actually have kind of automatized you know, habits, habitual behaviors, what also gets automatize, in a sense, is our ways of being and what I mean by that is, we store in literally this subconscious part of our mind, your listeners probably have maybe heard that word use the subconscious, right. So we have the conscious the thoughts and feelings that we are, you know, aware of, quote, unquote, and then we have this more subconscious part of our mind. And I say the part about the stimulation, because we need to have some of these things, you know, logged as habits, because we can’t every day be attending to everything. And the most easy example is I can’t relearn or have to pay so much attention, say to like driving my car, right? Because if I had to do that, and then do remember how to, you know, change the radio, if I had to think about everything I do in a given day, I would be completely overwhelmed and be debilitated as a human. So our brain does things efficiently for us, and it logs essentially these programs in that subconscious. The problem with that, however, is that about 90% of the day, that’s what’s running us through our life. The problem also is, like I said earlier, what’s also logged in there to some extent, are the stories that we tell ourselves habitually over time, the way we nap, essentially, the way we narrate our worlds. Also, I mean, I can even make an argument that our way of being aspects of our personality or ways of relating with others, the world ourselves, are logged in that subconscious. So the problem is ultimately and this is what becomes a barrier and change is that we if those if those narratives aren’t helping us, or those programs aren’t helping us, what they’re doing likely is keeping us stuck in this way of being that isn’t working. So what we have to do is kind of read literally reprogram those narratives, so that when we are on this autopilot, we’re operating in the world with this new change behavior and not the way that we used to be the habits not working.
Ryan : I, I’ve heard that. I think a lot of the listeners have probably heard the breakdown before about you know, the car and if we had to think about or driving and every aspect of pressing the gas pedal or pressing the brake. You know, we all heard that or I think that sometimes people hear that and they say, Yeah, okay, that makes sense. But what I love about what you just broke down there for the listeners is the fact that it’s not just surface level, it is that this comprises it if we allow it to in a negative way, can really be a detriment to us in in some of that negative programming that can come into our thoughts and our feelings and our emotions, and then really kind of our overall way of life. So how can the listeners start to work on breaking that chain? If they do have some of that negative subconscious programming? How do we become aware of it and break it and start to program it to do what it is that we want it to do?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely, you said the first pivotal step, which I will always say in any change behavior is awareness, we have to kind of develop the ability to notice what is going on in our minds, or notice our patterns, whether it’s thinking, feeling behaving, and the biggest tool that I use, I use it myself daily, I urge everyone that I work with, they use it as meditation, right? Really, I think a lot of us go through life. And some of us don’t even notice kind of our patterns in that way. So the biggest, hugest first step is developing that awareness. So, you know, utilizing meditation, utilizing practices, such as mindfulness, where we are quite literally observing ourselves in the world. And then the next thing that, you know, kind of comes up is locating patterns. Right? So what am I? What is what am I? What do I feel consistently? What do I feel consistently? In? what situations do I feel them? How do I consistently, you know, kind of see myself where the thoughts that you know, kind of come up more consistently. So the first step is to, to notice to observe those things, like I said, through mindfulness or meditation, then I think that the second step is that it’s kind of the bridge step, which is, like I said, because these programs are running so often, and are affecting ourselves, especially the repetitive thoughts, you know, the negative narratives that we’re kind of telling ourselves constantly throughout the day, we first need to spend less time engaging with those. And that’s where the use of kind of attentional control this piece of mindfulness is helpful, essentially, what that means is, so now I’m observing, I’m aware that I’m kind of in that negative, that same thing that I think, you know, every time this happens in my relationship, I’m, you know, kind of my thoughts are started starting to spiral in that same way, where I tell myself, you know, my partner doesn’t love or respect me, or whatever it is, I need to notice that I’m doing that. And then I need to quite literally as soon as I can, because our thoughts gather steam and generate energy, and then we get more locked in them, the longer we entertain them, we need to shift out of that. So we need to move our attention to something to anything else, whether it’s what we’re doing, whether it’s our breath, you know, something else. So the middle step is by just literally starting to spend less time, you know, kind of allowing this network, this neural network, because that’s what it is, right? It’s the thought that leads to the feeling that maybe leads to behavior, firing, firing, firing, we need to spend less time doing that. And then the next step is we need to start kind of consciously activating new thoughts. And that’s where mantras and affirmations and visualizations are really helpful, quite literally, where we envision we self talk in a way that says otherwise, that embodies this new way of thinking, feeling or being so it’s kind of a three step process, it’s knowing kind of what’s going on in there and where, quote unquote, our negative patterns are, it’s spending less time engaging with them. And then quite literally, it’s relying that new program and that last piece come thing I want to say, and I always have to be the bearer of this bad news, but we have to do it. So consistently, over time, that we literally lay this down as a new habit. Thinking about how long it took us to develop this old habit way of being, we have to do this consistently, consistently, consistently. And it does work. But I say that because I think a lot of times a lot of people want you know, the quick fix the light, but light switch model of oh, if I just do this, once I’m now this new person, unfortunately, not unfortunately, this has to be a very consistent practice that we do overtime and maintain. And then we literally can learn ourselves a new program.
Ryan : So to the listeners, we didn’t learn our ABCs just doing it one time. And it’s going to be the same thing here for our mind. So I’ll be vulnerable and open up and share with the listeners. And you could tell me if I’m starting to go on the right track, over the past couple of months, over the past year, but more so over the past couple months, I’ll be driving my car, just driving down on the highway, start to think that negative self talk and I’ll literally say shut up Ryan, stop it. And people would probably think I’m crazy. And yeah, I talked to myself but I I’ve gotten to the point I’m not so good yet because sometimes those thoughts will just come right back. But I’ll say shut up, Ryan, stop it that that negative self talk. Does that mean that if maybe some listeners are to that point as well, that we’re at least going down the right track where at least on the right path
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely 100% So what that indicates to me, right? Again, there are the times where it either happens out of our awareness. But you know, being able to catch ourselves means that you pick you’re paying attention, you’re there, you’re observing it. Right? And then you’re and you’re right. I mean, I want to speak to your point, thoughts do come back. Like I said, these are so habitual that sometimes we find ourselves having to do exactly what you said, Shut up riot or shut up Nicole, right? Time and time again. Because just because we told our thoughts to go away once doesn’t mean that they’re gonna say, Okay, you’re right, um, you know, by, I mean, they’re gonna keep coming back. So again, that’s where that consistency comes out. But when you’re able to observe and then self talk the way you are, you know, kind of acknowledging Shut up in that very verbal way, that then indicates today, and you know, all the listeners out there who are doing this as well, that you’re using the frontal lobe part of your brain, which is where our consciousness is. And that’s why mindfulness is so incredibly helpful, because to again, unlearn and reprogram the subconscious, the thing that has control over that is our conscious frontal lobe part of our brain. And that’s where our verbal abilities and even you just kind of saying that aloud or whether or not you don’t want to say it aloud, maybe someone’s next to you, you know, just kind of like saying it to yourself, that’s telling me that you’re activating the part that actually can change. And what I mean by change is choose something different to either like you’re saying, not engage with that, or to literally choose another thought, choose another behavior. That is our chooser system, in a sense, that frontal lobe. So yeah, I think you know, those of us out there are able to be to that step in the process. You’re in that in that very important middle phrase, because I will always say, you know, with choice comes, you know, empowerment comes power comes you being the dictator of what happens next, as opposed to these, as opposed to these programs.
Ryan : Awesome. So as the listeners are maybe listening to this as they drive in their car, or maybe they’re sitting at their desk at work, or whatever the case may be, don’t yell at yourself out loud if you’re at work. But maybe if you’re driving in your car, it’s okay. And I know we’re spending a lot of time on this, I want to go on now to self doubt, because that is so connected to me, with the subconscious programming. And I know in my experience in the health and wellness field, it’s really kind of that’s like a one two punch. So let’s talk about self doubt. And how do we crush it? And maybe it’s through some ways of that positive subconscious programming?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Yes, absolutely. So I agree with you. And I, you know, I see this, I almost would dare say that every human on some level has some niggling version of self doubt. And again, like I said earlier, this comes from a time and a place for maybe a system that didn‘t serve us. I mean, we have so many external evaluators, in a sense, whether or not it’s our core family environments, whether or not it’s our school, the grades we get how many friends we have, we have all of these ways, you know, I think over time that we accumulate that, you know, for some of us, you know, in some of the areas, if not all the areas, we are less, we’re left to feel less than, and then again, we internalize that, and then we tell ourselves negative stories about ourselves and who we are. And then we have what you call self doubt, I am, I think one of the ways to crush self doubt, if you will, is to develop self confidence, I think that comes through learning to develop trust in yourself. And so you know, kind of a tip that I will always tell people, you know, when we’re trying to develop trust in ourselves, this also goes hand in hand when we’re trying to change or, you know, start a new habit of any sorts is, we need to start to make small promises to ourselves. And I say small, and it might sound silly, even if it’s a smallest thing, right, I’m going to take a shower, today, I’m going to, you know, whatever, write this email, just small little things, you know, I’m going to take a walk, I’m going to, I’m going to walk the stairs instead of you know, take the elevator, any small thing that we say we’re going to do, and then we do, and the more we do that, that over time, I think we start to develop what I would call trust in ourselves. And then that that starts to internalize a confidence, right, we learn that we are someone who can be trusted, we are someone who keeps our promises. And obviously, if we’re doing, you know, positive behaviors, you know, if we’re trying to, you know, really like learn positive habits, whether it’s lifestyle, or you know, trying to be more social or in relationships, then we obviously get the validation of seeing these behaviors that we’re now stringing together over time, because we’re keeping our promises, right, we get to see and I think reap some of the benefits of that. So I think the trust in ourselves coupled with the positive change, that then starts to happen, I think that can really start to crush self doubt. In addition, like I said, to quite literally starting to shift and change some of the things that we say to ourselves. So you know, not saying, you know, you’re a terrible person really working on mantras, and affirming all of the ways that you’re not a terrible person, sometimes what that looks like, is mantras, you know, just kind of rehearsing, you know, dialogue that says otherwise. And sometimes that looks like noticing the times and places in our lives where either in the past or in our now, we’re not operating as this quote unquote, terrible person we think we are. So I think that there’s, you know, a couple options that that we can have. And the more we do all of those things, I think over time, we start to gain some momentum and really can start to shift the self doubt and the negative narratives that are often wrapped up around it.
Ryan : I want to repeat for the listeners about the small promises, because I love that you say that I think it’s so important. And that self confidence and self belief. It all stems from, like you said, making small promises to ourselves and keeping those small promises. I’ll share with the listeners an example. And kind of an action strategy. And then maybe Dr. LePera, you can share one as well. So in my field, in health and wellness, I sit down with a lot of people that are looking to make some changes in the way that they eat and their body fat percentage, just overall living a healthy lifestyle. And a lot of times people come in and I say okay, well, how many days a week, do you know that you can commit to, you know, exercising, and they’ll say, six to seven days a week? And I said, Well, that’s great. I love your enthusiasm. But what happens when we set a goal really, really high? And then we don’t reach that goal is we say, well, you know, I was never really going to reach it. I say and then we get discouraged or we give up because either the goal was completely unrealistic in the back of our mind. We knew it was a promise to our self we weren’t going to keep or we said to unrealistically high for where it is that we are at the present time. And even though it was great that we had the motivation to set it that high, maybe it wasn’t really realistic, and then we get frustrated when we don’t get there. So let’s start with something small so that we can start to feel some positive momentum and some progress. Because at the end of the day, as human beings, I believe that being happy is feeling like we’re making progress to our goals. It’s not necessarily getting there. As soon as we get there, we want to set another one. It’s who we become in that process and the joy that we feel as we start to get closer to that goal. What would be an example of some action strategies, maybe in a relationship, or maybe a professional career advice? What’s like an actionable strategy that you can share with the listeners on how they can use your tremendous advice of small promises to ourselves?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely. I love that you said that you actually sound like me, I say that all the time. And I think you’re absolutely right, you know, we do need to set ourselves up to succeed, because this is where the narratives come into, you know, an extension of all of this, you know, kind of, when we violate our own expectations comes a confirmation of that negative story, right? So then me not doing this, you know, the six or seven days, whatever it might be, it’s just further evidence that I’m not meant to, right. And I think that’s where it gets really dangerous. But I’m gonna bring in an actionable strategy, I think that kind of is, again, a more global one, you know, not necessarily in just one area or context, relationship professional. And it’s something I referenced earlier, which is, which is meditation. And I bring that up, because like I said, this is such an integral component of any self awareness, any, you know, any exploration of our narratives, any exploration, therefore, to change our behaviors. And I say this, because I know and I have a lot of people that tell me, and my own personal experience with meditation, at first was similar, it’s overwhelming. And I think, you know, it’s overwhelming to the extent that we could say, Okay, I’m going to set an intention to meditate for 10 or 15 minutes, I’m going to tell you right now, 10, or 15 minutes might as well be 10 or 15 years, when you start meditating. It’s very, very difficult. And I think a the practice of meditating and you know, sitting silently with our thoughts is overwhelming in and of itself. Again, a lot of us have never even looked at what’s going on up there in this way. And be time when you’re doing that really does feel overbearing, and like you said, the second we don’t do it, you know, we feel defeated, and then we’re not going to reengage with it again. So I think a huge no suggestion I always make and I actually just wrote a post about this recently is starting literally two to three minutes, right, sitting quietly in a room with your thoughts, you know, maybe it’s even in the form of meditation, where you’re doing that, or, you know, you’re on a walk, and you’re paying attention to your thoughts, you know, we can do a more movement based mindfulness, but really starting with a very minimum amount of time, two or three minutes, you know, tuning in, because it can be overwhelming. And again, what is most important, like you said, is developing the consistency, the momentum, the progress, the feel good. And then a byproduct and which is why I suggested this as the actionable step ultimately, is we start to gain awareness of these patterns, like I was talking about earlier of these narratives of the mental kind of part of our world, that may be benefiting us, and that may not be benefiting us.
Ryan : Love it, love it. Okay. So, now the listeners have some actionable strategies, they’re going to start implementing them, you know, they’re going to start including them as daily habits in their life. But we know that that’s also not just going to completely eliminate those limiting thoughts. So in the meantime, as we’re building these habits, as we’re starting to make this forward progress, you have some tremendous insight on limiting thoughts and how to, you know, turn it into empowered self talk, share with the listeners, how they can do that.
Dr. Nicole LePera : Yeah, so I think, you know, this is, like I said, I’ll go back to then, you know, how do we how do we change? You know, what do we do? And I think like I said, mantras, affirmations, manifestations, this is kind of, I think we’re all that calms. And, you know, that that just means essentially taking some time and, you know, really giving some thought into how we would prefer to think about the world how we would prefer to be in the world, you know, what, what is kind of what, what direction are we wanting to move in? Right? And then once we have that we quite literally, like I said, take the time, and, you know, build that into our day. I think a lot of times people will write that, you know, write the things that are that they want to remind themselves or the new ways they want to narrate their world or write it in a journal in a notebook, you know, in on the bathroom mirror, right? Anytime or place where we can draw our conscious attention to that as a reminder is hugely helpful. Something that I’m fascinated by and I often think it’s so important to talk about and I bring it up because I used to be a person who believed this was so woo, woo and I didn’t understand. What it was about, but, you know, manifestation is incredibly powerful. And you know what I mean, when I say manifestation is it’s not only the same, right kind of mentally rehearsing kind of what I want to do or be in the world. But what manifestation entails is feeling that to be the case. So what I mean by that is, so now it’s not just right, looking at your bathroom mirror, you know, the reminder of where you want to go in the world, but taking the moment to just envision and feel what it would be to be that person in the world. And like I said, I used to think that that was so silly, you know, yeah, but I just feel this to be the case of obey. But the more like, the research that’s coming out in the fact that we are really confirmed at this point is being energetic beings, and our heart sends out so many energy signals. So feelings are just kind of balls of energy, and a sense of put it kind of really just, you know, kind of, simply. So essentially, what we’re doing in those moments, when we’re really embodying this new person, or way of being or thing that we want in the world, is we’re literally, you know, embodying that down to the physiological level. So like I said, I think it’s important to go through the mantras to remind ourselves consciously of the things that we want to be doing or saying or being, but I think if we can really link it up and harness the power of ourselves as energy and our feelings, then I think we really start to see some amazing, amazing shifts in our in ourselves and in the world around us. To be honest.
Ryan : I love it. So I’m going to break this down. And I’m crazy with analogy. So this one is going to be totally out of left field. But hopefully, it will help the listeners to really take what Dr. LePera was saying, and make sense or connect the dots. So It’s getting to be Thanksgiving, here in America. And so there’s a lot of special foods that we all like to eat. So let’s just say my favorite pie is apple pie. And if I see a picture of my favorite apple pie, there’s going to be a certain type of feeling that I’m going to get inside. If I see the picture of the apple pie, and I smell the apple pie, those taste buds are going to get even more worked up and I’m going to get my it’s going to become even more real to my brain. Then when I see the picture of the apple pie, I can smell the apple pie, maybe I can hear the vanilla ice cream that’s coming out of the refrigerator that I know is going to go on to that that apple pie. Now my body is like just salivating. And so the more that we can use our senses, and this is what Dr. LePera is talking about, not just saying it out loud, but envisioning it, feeling what it’s going to feel like without reaching your goals, or whatever it is that you’re working on during this period of, of meditation, tasting, what that’s going to taste like, smelling it just truly utilizing all of your senses to take on that that meditation, that vision, that feeling of where it is that you want to be, is going to make it feel very familiar to your brain, and your brain is designed to seek out what is familiar to it and what it knows. So what do you think? Is that is that a super crazy analogy? Or is it ?
Dr. Nicole LePera : No, no, I love I love that I love that I love you brought that concept, familiar familiarity, and also what it’s going to do, quite literally, it’s going to change, you know, like I said, what are our thoughts connect to the way we feel our senses, right? On a physiological level, you know, we are on some, you know, to some extent shifting our bodily chemistry. So to add a component to it. And now that’s also what we’re doing. So we are giving ourselves in that moment that we’re envisioning that tasting the pie, we are giving our bodies literally a different physiological experience. And like you’re saying, if we do that consistently enough, whether it’s with this new person that I want to be in the world, again, in those moments, we are living the physiology then of this new person. And like you said, the more we familiarize not only our brain, but our body and our systems with this new physiology. Before we know it that becomes our physiology.
Ryan : Alright So the listeners now have all this great information about what it is that they need to do. But let’s talk about something that is another component and not to be negative. But we want to give the we want to be relatable here and understand that this this process isn’t going to be easy or that as we start to do this meditation and self reflection. There may be some things that we need to heal in order for us to continue to move down the path. And that’s not always easy. And it can sometimes feel painful and overwhelming, before it starts to get better. So can you share with the listeners a little bit about, you know, healing and maybe what they can expect to feel or encounter as they start to go down this period of self growth, which first starts with healing?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely, yeah. And I think that, you know, a lot of times, you know, when we, when we do engage in any healing process, whether or not it’s us, you know, kind of changing our lifestyle choices, and, you know, are looking at these more emotional pieces of it, you’re right, we do start to go, you know, kind of come face to face what with what, for some of us, you know, might be things, events, aspects of ourselves, our past, whatever it might be, that we’ve avoided looking at. And typically, as humans, we operate on to principles, Freud said it many, many years ago, but, you know, we like pleasure, we’d like to feel good, and we don’t like to feel bad. So you know, I say that to say that a lot of times, you know, these are things that we have developed avoidance mechanisms around, we’ve gotten very savvy, you know, at not necessarily looking at these things as directly they might be operating in our world, like I said, through these programming, but where we maybe aren’t kind of going through them and therefore experiencing all the feelings that are wrapped up in them. So you’re absolutely right, there are no there are a lot of discomfort that come up. And a discomfort that I remind everyone is as well, at the start of any change process, self exploration, whatever it might be, is, like you said earlier, familiarity, we are creatures of comfort, we are used to ourselves and the way we are in the world. So any movement toward trying to be different in the world has already some discomfort involved with it. So we have that level of discomfort. So anytime we’re trying to do something new, and I’m sure a lot of us can relate to that it’s a little bit uncomfortable enough for some of us to avert path and not do that new thing. So we have that level of discomfort. And then like I said, we have all the discomfort sometimes that are coming up when we’re really starting to, to self explore. And, you know, I think you know, some suggestion, I always give her the ultimate, ultimate goal is to not develop a relationship with our emotions, that is not one of avoidance that they are not something to be feared. And again, like I said, we do that we get very savvy at it. That’s why a lot of substance abuse happens. That’s why a lot a million things, you know, behaviors that distract, you know, all of these things happens so that we don’t have to feel that so we can avoid the emotion. So we run away from them. But I think if we can start to again, reprogram in this way, my belief being that our emotions contain information, you know, and if we can, you know, as crazy as this probably sounds now, but if we can start to develop a more observational objective relationship or with our emotions, where we acknowledge that they’re there, and we feel them, but then we don’t have to necessarily run from them or react from them. But we can use them for what they are, which is they contain valuable information, there’s a reason that they’re coming up, right. So I think, you know, a couple of things, like I said, we can learn to tolerate, we don’t have to run from, and then we can even start to shift the relationship entirely where we quite literally utilize them to then possibly make some different decisions in our lives.
Ryan : You know, I think it’s important for us to talk about that, because there’s, there’s two parts to the growth are two areas where we can get stuck on, there’s a lot of areas that we can get stuck, but in particular to what we’re discussing here now, and that is for the listeners to realize, we can get stuck as we struggle to put our foot on the gas pedal to go forward and building some of these positive habits and things that are going to help us to move forward. And then we can also get stuck by subconsciously not taking our foot off the brake, which is also going to prevent us from moving forward. And that can be through we’re starting to feel that pain and subconsciously we’re just going to stop because no I’m starting to feel pain that doesn’t feel good. I did this and, and I heard on that podcast that I was going to start to feel better. And these are the things I needed to do to start to feel better. Listeners and listeners we’re human beings is stuff that we all struggle with I struggle with it is sometimes you have to say it’s okay that it’s going to hurt. It’s okay that it’s going to be difficult. That is an important part of the progress of moving forward. But we don’t have to get stuck there. Let’s talk about sickness, labels actions and kind of dive into You your breakdown of exactly what that means, because I really, really liked your content and your explanation as it relates to that. Dr. LePera?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely, yeah. So I think, you know, whatever, whenever I hear, you know, the concept of labels, you know, I think of meaning. So we have things that objectively happen in our world, right things that just are, and then, you know, usually our reactions or our feelings, you know, don’t come from if we’re, you know, again, artists don’t come from the things that are, but they come from the label, or the feeling or the meaning that we assigned to them. You know, so I think that, again, we have to develop the awareness of what of what those meanings are, of what those labels are, essentially, what we’re perceiving into what’s happening maybe more objectively, in our world. And I think a lot of times that does hold the key for where the shifts that we can make, because we can’t change the things that you know, just are in a sense, but what we think and start to modify are the meanings that things start to take. And then you know, an extension of meanings to becomes functions. And I talked to a lot about, you know, whether it’s sickness or you know, kind of, you know, characteristics that I embody, or, you know, my diagnosis is like going on and on a lot about those. So it extends beyond sometimes meanings into the concept of function. Right. So over time, the meanings that we assign, or the, the characteristics we embody are the diagnosis labels that we attach to ourselves, you know, sometimes play a function in our lives, there’s a byproduct that doing this long enough, over time, there’s a, you know, a something, whatever it might be, that we get. So once again, I think in terms of, you know, we, I think, you know, anytime again, we’re doing self exploration, we want to change, it’s so inherently important not only to understand the perceptions and meanings that are affecting ourselves, our way of being in the world, and relationships, but the functions as well, I think, when we start to really explore the function of things in our lives, you know, then we can not only gain understanding, but what we can do is start to shift. So if this function is this thing isn’t working this thing that I’m gaining for this function of, you know, maybe connection, right, if I’m this one way, in the world, I’ve gotten rewarded, quote, unquote, right, by being connected to people, maybe their way of being though in the world that’s getting me connected to people, and you know, getting that reward has all of these other negative things, right. But if the function for me is connection, then we could really start to explore and implement maybe more positive, healthy, adaptive ways to fulfill that function. So I think it’s, you know, it’s kind of understanding that perceptions and meanings and labels are inherently involved in in most of our world, and that’s what’s triggering the feelings that we have about whatever it is, and then functions are something also I think, that we need to be aware of, and start to improve or kind of shift around or kind of implement new ways to maybe get that same function or new.
Ryan : There’s a lot of times where people will come to me, and maybe they were coming from their, their doctor, typically, that often happens, where they have a meeting with their doctor and the doctor tells them some information about their physical health. And they that’s what is the catalyst for them to want to make a change. What sad saddening to me is that there are times where people will come to me with a diagnosis and take that on as a label that they have almost started to identify as who they are, For instance, on type two diabetic or I have high blood pressure or, you know, high cholesterol or whatever the case may be. And sometimes I think that those labels or how they feel to have been labeled as become an identity, and sometimes we, You, we do actions that we feel are justified based on the label that that we received doesn’t have to be from a doctor, it could be from anything could be from that negative talk, it could be like what you were talking about, maybe from other people’s negative talk to us. And then that’s happened so much that we kind of take it on. And then it’s almost kind of like we use it as a justification for those actions. Do you think that’s accurate? Have you seen that?
Dr. Nicole LePera : 100% Absolutely. I think that’s, that’s incredibly accurate. I think it you know, again, it becomes really dangerous, damaging and pervasive. When we like you said, attach it to the self, when it no longer becomes something we have or do even if it consistently becomes that which we are. Now we’re really stuck, like you said, it becomes not only a justification, but I’ll make I’ll extend it a step further. I always say this, you know, the kind of it is my, you know, we are our own filters for the world. And what I mean, when I say that, again, back to the idea that there’s so much going on in our world. So this is where, again, our filter our sense of self, this label that I have now become gets involved. So right if I believe something to be true, the way my brain to work not only efficiently at a physiological level, but we you know, to navigate all the concepts we have in the world, what our brain literally does, it selectively deletes out the majority of our experience, that doesn’t confirm that which we believe to be true. Right. So now you have this person who’s wearing this label that’s going to go through the world and literally see, it’s kind of the self fulfilling bias, it’s called literally see in the world, further evidence strengthening, you know that they are this type two diabetic who will never X, Y or Z, right. So they’re going to now live and experience self directed in the sense of confirming, confirming, confirming, confirming, confirming, right, further strengthening this identity. So again, extending that further, that’s another way that this becomes hugely problematic, that we are selectively deleting not to say that there’s not a million, you know, kind of data points of evidence that maybe is could refute that existing in that same moment, because they’re likely are, but what that person is going to do is attach this to their identity is selectively delete out all of it. And then they are going to live an experience that continues to confirm that about themselves.
Ryan : If you ever heard it explained so intricately before, and I love that, so self deleting our brain will literally delete out those things that aren’t going to help it with whatever our self fulfilling label is, is that what you’re saying?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely, absolutely. That’s how we make sense of everything that’s going on in our world, we to kind of put it simply and sell like in a silly way, but our brain likes to be right. Right. So it’s going to continue to do and again, that’s why it becomes really hard. And it takes in a conscious effort, because it can be done to open almost take those blinders off. And literally consciously direct our attention to all of the evidence that refutes it, all of the evidence that says something different because it is there.
Ryan : And so I want to challenge the listeners out there today. And I know that this is not easy, it’s a challenge to myself as well, to know, number one that you as an individual. So each and every one of the listeners out there, want to let you know that we love you, for the individual that you are whoever that that individual may be that we love you for who you are. And to remove those labels. And maybe it’s starting with just one removing one of those labels, that is not truly connected to who that person is that you are. And if somebody has made you to feel that you can’t be the number one person at your job, well, whoever that person was that put that label on you, they are not correct, because you can be the very best person at your job. That person that is carrying around the label feeling like they’re never going to be able to get in shape or have the body it is that they want. Remove that label and start positively identifying who it is that that you are, which is a person that can be in tremendous shape, be in the shape that you want to be in, and to start going out there in looking at the signs given to us in the universe that are there for us to take on the actions and the thoughts and the amazing beliefs that we can be who it is that we want to be Boy, that that is so powerful. So many times I feel like you know the universe when we go out and we look we could find five reasons why we could be completely miserable and depressed. And we can also find five reasons why we could feel amazingly blessed. It’s just about which of those things are we going to go out there today to look for? Maybe we didn’t realize it that subconsciously our brain was pushing us towards those negative things, but let’s start to control our mindset to push us to identify those five positive things.
Dr. Nicole LePera : I love that so much I literally got get chills and in a way I mean, you know we are we can consciously be and I keeps you know, I love consciously that you said that. And I will keep saying that because that’s again, where we have all the control. We are consciously creators in that way of what we want to happen. And I think it’s just that that for me in any part of the change process is self healing that I myself went through that I direct all my clients through, I think, at least personally, that that’s the most hugely empowering part of it, you know, yes, we might get to the end of it. And we, our bodies are healthier and our you know, we’re more balanced feeling and they we look good, we’ve always great things. But I think when we really can master that, I cannot imagine that I have not experienced I should say something anything more powerful than that acknowledgement and realization and utilization of that fact that we have so much control that we don’t realize, I think that we have.
Ryan : Yep, yep, you’re absolutely right. So share with the listeners how they can get in touch with you, I want to tell the listeners to go check out your Instagram page and your website, your Instagram every day, you’re making these posts, and these are not surface level posts. Okay. Dr. LePera really takes her time to break down whatever the topic may be, and give you some actionable strategies give you some real world insight. So I want to encourage all the listeners to go check it out. Where can they get in touch with you? Where can they find you?
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely. I so appreciate you saying that as my goal I think actionable, understandable, practical. That’s always been what I’ve been about as a person. So hearing you and others say that that’s what it does come across as I’m so I’m so glad to hear that. But so my Instagram, yes, I’m on there daily. You can see me I hope, hopefully living kind of everything that I’m saying I’m living but also, like I said a lot of good content. It is at the that holistic that psychologist. That’s pretty much where I’m most active. However, I have a link in the bio there to my website. And I blog weekly on that as well. And it is your holistic psychologist.com. If you go and visit there now I actually have a gut healing guide that if you sign up for my email list will come directly to your inbox because I do a lot of nutritional work and body balancing as well. So for those of you who might be interested in terms of that head on over sign up for my email list, you’ll get that PDF and then you’ll get updates weekly with whatever blog I’m doing whatever new PDF I’ve created, but the Instagram is a great kind of connector for that. So is the that holistic that psychologist.
Ryan : Awesome. I know that we could probably bring you on for a whole other episode about leaky brain and gut and how those neurotransmitter production happens so much of it in our gut that we’ll have to save for another episode. But I know that we went deep here, not all of it was sunshine and rainbows. We touched on some difficult topics. But I think that together in our conversation, we were able to really give some actionable strategies to not only work on putting our foot on the gas pedal, but also how we can move forward just by taking our foot off the brake. So Dr. LePera thank you again so very much for your time.
Dr. Nicole LePera : Absolutely. Ryan, thank you for having me. I love this conversation. I love all of the nutritional pieces too. And I think that’s a hugely important component of all of the work that I now do, including my own self healing process, but I love the mind. So this was this was a very pleasant conversation. I appreciate and I hope someone out there got, you know, something that they can utilize.
Ryan : Awesome, awesome. Thank you so much. All the best, make it a great day.
Dr. Nicole LePera : You too.
Thanks, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for tuning into my podcast. It means the world to me. I hope that you were able to take some things away from what we discussed here so that you can apply it to your life to become healthier and happier. Remember, every single day that you have greatness within you
